Your wife is not software…

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity: Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting/Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6.

I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please help!”

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support.

I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 installed and work on improving the configuration. I suggest installing the background application YesDear 99.0 to alleviate software augmentation.

Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0, but beware because sometimes these applications can be expensive.

I wish I could say that I came up with this witty little piece, but alas! (I would give credit where credit is due, but it was an email with “Author Unknown” at the bottom; so, if you wrote it…thank you?) Anyway, this obviously humorous way to look at marriage fell into my lap the other day, and as I was reading it I realized that while funny, parts of it rang true.

Too many men (and women) go into marriage with the idea that they can just “uninstall and reboot” if things start happening that they do not like. Instead, maybe we should think of marriage as more like a motherboard and a CPU—neither can really function without the other. (Ok, that is probably not the most romantic thing you could say to your wife, so…don’t.)

However, do take this advice: run Flowers 2.1 every time you get a chance, and don’t forget to compliment (and complement) Wife 1.0 every day!